Lunar Rampage Page 2

  “Maybe, but I can’t stand him staring at my ass all the time. He’s such a thorn in my side. He’s had the hots for me ever since he started working here and he’s just been a little lap dog.”

  “So, you don’t like him?”

  “Uh, gross. He smells like bologna.”

  “I’ll take that as a no?”

  “So, you haven’t met Owen yet?” she asked with intrigue, resting her elbow on my carton of eggs, which I promptly slid out from underneath her arm.

  “Why so curious?”

  “Because.”

  “You’re such an informative person, you know.”

  “Oh, please, I could tell you things about this town that you’d never discover on your own. I am very, very informative.”

  “How many people live here?” I quizzed her.

  Her eyes were dead. “Things that are important.”

  “Well, I’ll keep that in mind, but for now, I have a very feisty woman waiting for me to prepare dinner,” I said and took both my bags into each hand.

  “And I’ll be here. Unfortunately.”

  I was at the door and ready to leave when the loud sound of the saws buzzing stopped me. I wanted to know more, so I asked Priscilla, since she claimed to know everything. “Hey, what’s going on across the street?”

  “Cutting down trees or something.”

  “What for?”

  She shrugged. “For wood? I don’t know. Whatever it is, it’s annoying. The possums keep trying to sleep in our bushes and it’s bugging the shit out of me.”

  I shrugged and left the strange Goth lady at the store and returned back to my grandma’s with two bags’ worth of groceries. After cooking in the kitchen for maybe twenty minutes, I was able to pry Grandma away from the TV with promises of making her something extra special; Vegetarian black bean soup. I could tell it was something she never had before, because she stared at it for a good minute and wouldn’t lift a spoon.

  “What is this?” she asked.

  “Black bean soup.”

  “It looks like poop.”

  “Grandma,” I responded, grossed out.

  “I don’t eat dinner with a spoon. Spoon is for dessert.”

  “I thought you’d like to try something different. Maybe a little healthier. It’s high fiber, low fat.”

  “Dear, I’m approximately five hundred years old. I don’t need low fat.”

  “It doesn’t have any meat in it. I know you can appreciate it, since you love animals so much.”

  “I love them in my stomach as well. Who the heck taught you to be a vegetarian? Was it your mother? She was always a nutter.”

  “No. I chose to be.”

  “Now, why would you go and do a crazy thing like that?”

  “It’s not crazy to not eat defenseless animals,” I said as I began scooping my spoon into my bowl of soup. I thought it looked good and not at all like fecal matter, so dammit, I was going to eat it while it was warm. “Are you at least going to try it?”

  “I suppose. I’ve made it this far, what can this hurt?”

  “Your enthusiasm is overwhelming. Really,” I sarcastically remarked.

  She took one sip, tilted her head and said, “It’s better than golf.”

  “I’ll take it.”

  “But not as good as bowling,” she said with a pointed finger.

  “I’d be a madwoman to think otherwise.”

  “So, how is that son of mine? Taking care of you, I hope.”

  “I think I’m a little old for Dad to be taking care of me, Grandma.”

  “How old are you these days?”

  “Twenty-six,” I said and then grimaced. I didn’t know when I got that old. It felt like such an adult age, when in reality I always felt like my parents were out of town and I was playing house just waiting for when they came back to yell at me for messing up the living room. My body grew into the size of an adult, but my brain was still a little behind.

  “You’re an old lady now.”

  My jaw dropped. “At least all my childhood friends aren’t displayed in the Jurassic section of museums.”

  She smiled like a proud Grandma. She always loved my mouth. “You’re just like me, you little shit.”

  “Hey, Grandma?”

  “Yes, dear?”

  “You totally just took five sips of the soup.”

  With her spoon still lifted, her eyes drifted down to the bowl like a monster were lurking on the table and she was afraid to look. Eventually, she relaxed and said, “Magic.”

  “We should call it magic soup.”

  “Sounds like a fifties song! Or was it?”

  I cocked an eyebrow. “No, not that I believe.”

  “Well, it should have been.”

  “Correct that wrong, Grandma. It’s never too late to start that music career you’ve always dreamed about.”

  “Who are we kidding? No one would ever take me seriously with my good looks. I’m such a dish.”

  I giggled a little too loudly. “That you are, Grandma.”

  “I’m ready for dessert.”

  My face fell. “I… I didn’t make any.”

  “Did you at least grab some from the store?”

  “Uh, no?”

  She shook her head sternly. “You have some things to learn.”

  “I will tomorrow. I promise. Maybe before I get started on the house.”

  “Don’t worry, dear. You don’t want to miss Howard showing up.”

  “Howard? Who’s Howard?”

  “We talked about him earlier. The one that’s going to help paint the house.”

  “You said his name was Owen.”

  She flicked her forehead again. “That’s what I meant.”

  “What does he look like, so I don’t let the garbage man in?”

  “Dark hair. Very handsome. Or at least that’s how he is in my head.” Knowing Grandma, a blond elderly man was going to show up at our door tomorrow. Every day was a mystery with her.

  Once Grandma choked down the rest of her soup, she went back to the living room to watch Law and Order while I did the dishes. A window was set up right above the sink so I could stare out into the side yard. I could even see the big, broken down barn.

  I cracked open the window and listened to the crickets chirping and the frogs croaking in the still night. It was so calming, peaceful, and beautiful; nothing you’d ever get in the city. Heck, I don’t even know the last time I saw the moon, yet from this window it was bigger than the sun. It created so much light, Grandma’s yard appeared blue. If my hands weren’t soaking in soapy water, I totally would have been snapping some shots of this with my camera.

  “Dear, come in here!” Grandma called from the next room, waving me in like she was directing traffic. “Some man’s head just fell off.”

  “What?” I asked.

  I turned my head to her for just a fraction of a second, and in that moment, I swore I saw something speed by the kitchen window in the corner of my eye. It looked big and brown, like an animal, and moved so fast that by the time my eyes returned to the window I didn’t even see anything. The yard was empty.

  “Dear, come in here.”

  “Just a second.”

  I hadn’t been here for even a day and already the country scenery was making me imagine things. I always did fear running into a bear or anything large enough to smother me to death, or, you know, eat me.

  Even though it creeped the living hell out of me that there could be some giant grizzly hanging around outside the house, I decided to try to put it in the back of my mind and get some shuteye. My room for the next few weeks was my Grandpa’s old den that, horrifically enough, was decked out in leather, wood, and stuffed animal corpses. I literally shrieked when I walked in and saw a giant owl hanging from the wall with its wings spread out wide. Owls are creepy enough, but the still corpse of one whose eyes are somehow still locked on you even after death made me want to tear it down from the wall and launch it out the window.

>   “You like it, dear?”

  “Oh, Grandma, it’s… it’s definitely a room.”

  “You must have inherited your grandpa’s love for animals.”

  I gritted my teeth. “Must be where I got it.”

  Grandma tiptoed to the door and slowly closed it. “Nighty night. Don’t let the bed bugs bite.” The door clicked shut behind her.

  “Goodnight,” I said and waved to the closed door. Suddenly, I felt a shiver go up and down my arm. “You were joking about the bed bugs, right?”

  CHAPTER TWO

  I awoke pretty early that morning. I was so used to car alarms, sirens, and random trash cans banging from down the streets at my old place that the utter silence of country life ripped me out of my sleep. Pretty messed up, I realize. It wasn’t a good start to the day, either, because I had completely forgotten where I had fallen asleep, so when I woke up to a moose head staring me down from the wall I screamed so hard that Grandma almost came to check up on me. Almost.

  I made blueberry pancakes for Grandma and me, and twice I nearly burned everything because I had to jack up the heat on Grandma’s five-hundred-year-old stove. That, and I’m a really impatient cooker. Even when I have a free day, I never feel like I have the time to let something cook slowly.

  “Grandma, breakfast is ready!” I shouted to her from the kitchen.

  “I’ll be there in a second. That Michael Jordan fella just got sucked down a golf hole.”

  Can’t say I get that response often.

  I left the kitchen and found her seated in her chair in the living room, watching an animated movie and glued to the screen like she was witnessing the first man walk on the moon. “Grandma, honestly, how many times are you going to watch Space Jam?”

  “Until it stops being exciting.”

  “Spoiler alert, the Tune Squad wins.”

  “Shush!”

  Only my grandmother would be so enthralled by an animated movie from the 90’s, starring Bugs Bunny that she’d treat it like it was Citizen Kane. “I won’t hold you up then. I’m just going to take the trash out.” I grabbed the bag from the can that I had filled with my multiple failed attempts at breakfast and headed outside.

  “Oh, man!” I involuntarily yelled. Beside the porch to our house were both our garbage cans knocked over with all the trash inside completely ripped apart and obliterated. The cereal boxes were shredded into tiny pieces and the leftover bones from previous dinners broken into bits. An animal had definitely got into it, and quite aggressively.

  “What is it, dear?” Grandma called out from behind the front door.

  “Oh, nothing. An animal got into our trash.” I knelt down on my knees and began picking up the larger pieces and putting them at least back in the can so they were scooped up together. I spotted a can of cream corn and noticed very big teeth marks right on the outside. I thought maybe a raccoon had done this, but damn, those marks were big. My heart dropped when I thought of the flash of brown fur outside my window and realized I wasn’t imagining it at all. Something really was out here.

  The screen door kicked open and I promptly stopped Grandma. “I can do it, don’t worry.”

  “Those damn animals at it again?”

  “Looks like it.”

  “They should all be shot and killed.”

  “God, Grandma.”

  “They’re all bastards.”

  I looked back at her. “You don’t think that’s a little discriminatory? This could have been done by a small, fury, very lovely animal.”

  “They won’t be after I shoot its head off.”

  “Jeez.”

  “I’m hungry. Want a bagel?”

  I very slowly shook my head. “I already made some with the pancakes.”

  “Oh, right, I forgot.” She paused for a very blank moment and then suddenly smiled. “Thank you, dear.”

  “You’re welcome, Grandma.” Always a gripping conversation with that one.

  I finished picking up the garbage from the ground and went inside to clean up. Grandma was once again in front of the television set, only this time, she had changed the channel. This time it was an 80’s movie I had never seen before.

  “I just love Jeff Goldblum,” she said. I figured he must have been in the film she was watching. “You need to find a man as handsome as he is.”

  “I’ll put that on my list of things to do today.”

  “Please do.”

  “Hey, Grandma, can I ask you something?” The trash and whatever animal that destroyed it was plaguing me already. “Do we have bears in this area?”

  “Of course, dear.”

  I breathed in sharply. “Oh, God, you don’t think that’s what ate our trash, do you?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Well, do they ever attack people here?”

  “Perhaps.”

  “Why are you not bothered by this?”

  “They’re harmless.”

  I almost choked on my own saliva. “Uh, no, they’re not. They’re big and scary and could crush your skull into dust.”

  “So could a burglar.”

  “Yeah, but burglars aren’t nesting and creating more burglars in the woods.”

  “Have you checked? This is Michigan after all, dear.”

  “I’m being serious. Bears scare the crap out of me. I may love animals and don’t want them hunted down, but I also know when to fear them and know I don’t want to be hunted down.”

  “It’s nothing to worry about, dear. I hardly see any around.”

  “Hardly? So, you have seen some?”

  “Just a few roaming down the roads. They keep to themselves.”

  “Oh, that’s creepy.” I came from a busy city where getting mugged or murdered wasn’t an unusual concept, yet the sight of one of nature’s beautiful animals sent shivers down my spine. It was stupid, I know, but I’ve always been a small girl who couldn’t run for crap, so I had acquired this unnatural fear of things that were way bigger than me. If it’s big and fast, consider me terrified.

  “You never see them out during the day,” Grandma said, soothing me. “And I barely see them as it is.”

  “So, what, they sleep during the day?”

  “Maybe.”

  “Because I was really looking forward to taking some pictures in the woods, but now I’m kind of freaking out.”

  “Why are you taking pictures?”

  I cocked my head to the side. She knew I was really into photography. “Remember, I’m trying to be a photographer, Grandma?”

  “I knew you liked it, I just didn’t know if you were trying to make a career out of it.”

  “That’s the plan. Mom says it’s not a steady job, but whatever.”

  “Don’t listen to your mother. She doesn’t even like The Golden Girls.”

  I grinned. “You’re right. But, you gotta stop ragging on Mom eventually.”

  “I will when I’m dead.”

  “Okay then.” I glanced at the clock on the wall. “When is this Owen guy showing up? I’d like to start working on the house soon.”

  “Sometime around noon. He’ll have supplies.”

  “That gives me some time then. Maybe I’ll go take some pictures. There’s a lot of woods around here, so I’m sure there’d be some pretty birds, right?”

  “You’re not afraid of something attacking you, dear?”

  “I’m trying to be positive here, Grandma. Besides, don’t all the really big carnivorous animals slumber during the day?”

  “I have no idea.”

  “But you said the bears do.”

  “I did, didn’t I?” she said with a chuckle, and it sounded like she was laughing at herself more than anything. “Never pay attention to me, dear. I talk out of my rear end most of the time.”

  I failed to breathe. “I’m just going to go before you convince me we have dragons living out there as well.”

  “Okay, dear.”

  I didn’t feel the need to take my yellow Bug to travel anywhere since
the woods were really all around us. I simply strapped my camera around my neck and headed across the dirt road to the nearest bit of forest. So few people lived down here, so no one ever really drove on this road. I could have stood here all day and not been in danger of getting run over. I took my time and hopped over a dried out ditch that sunk in deep to the ground right in front of the edge where the woods began. Once I was past the first couple of trees in the woods, I saw that there were pathways and flattened areas like people had obviously walked through here a lot, so I no longer felt overwhelmed by the primitive nature of it all. It was very wide open so the odds of there being a bear lying around were very slim. It brought me a lot of comfort.

  It was so beautiful. The sky was blue and sunny, peeking in through the leaves and branches that reached high. I could hear birds chirping at every corner and smell the strong scent of flowers and plants. It was the perfect place to embrace nature, and I didn’t realize how much I missed this till that very moment. Of course, a bee also flew by my nose and scared the crap out of me to the point where I did a manic girly dance in a circle till it disappeared. I’m convinced I didn’t scare the bee away, but instead, the bee took pity on me and simply left me alone.

  Eventually, I plunked myself down when I saw a couple pretty robins, singing and puffing out their vibrant orange chests. I knew they were a common sight, but the contrast of their colors against the green of the leaves, and the way the sun cascaded down on them was so breathtaking, I had to take a few shots. My camera was quiet when I snapped the pictures, so they were never alerted. They just did their thing as I took several pictures of them over the course of ten minutes. I couldn’t wait to get home and take a better look at them. I was sure they turned out gorgeous.

  “What are you doing out here?” a male voice suddenly called out. I was so startled, I almost puked my heart out through my throat. Flushed that I had such a terrible jump scare, I proceeded to mumble and speak incoherently while my eyes raced around at the ground. “Hey, I’m talking here,” he said. I looked up slowly, anticipating that I would see my high school principle standing there, doing his usual hands in pocket stance with that why-did-you-do-that-Cora look on his face. But I was surprised. He was youngish, perhaps around my age or older.